MY STORY


Hello friends my name is Manon. I am a strong believer who is struggling with addiction, adult child of dysfunctional family and physical/sexual/emotional abuse.

This is my Story. I was born in 1961 and grew up in Northern of Quebec. I was the middle child with two brothers. My step brother of 11yrs older than me was gone by the time I was 5yrs. I did not know it at the time but my family was totally dysfunctional.

My earliest recollections of my insane childhood are not happy. My mother was ineffective discipline r, critical and controlling. My father was very quiet and wanted a quiet life. He would disappear in the basement to watch T.V. or find work to keep busy until bed time. I have memories of my dad stopping by my room at night to wish me good night. My mother never held me or told me she loved me as I was growing up. In fact she often told me she wished to have had 10 boys instead of me. This caused a lot of confusion and pain.

I endured emotional abuse from my mom. Verbal abuse was normal. I don’t remember my father witnessing this much as he worked but the few times he did he would tell my mom to ease off on me. That usually would end up in discord between them. As a child I felt it was my fault.

By the time I was 8yrs I was doing all kinds of housework. I was always trying to work out what kind of mood my mother was in. Fear of disappointing her drove me on. Nothing I ever did was right or good enough for her.

At a very young age I became a victim of incest by a friend of the family. During high school I started to do more sleep over at friend’s house and started to abuse drug & alcohol to escape my misery.
I was desperate for love, affection and acceptance.

I learnt that if a boy was allowed to have sex with you he would tell you he loved you and then would hold you, which was what I craved. I had become addicted to love and romance. I had become promiscuous. This went on until I got married.

I always believed in God and knew deep in my heart that He was real. Even though I had quit going to church with my dad at the age of 12/13yrs old I had no idea how to reach him.

I had become a very insecure, angry, emotional individual. I left home I was 19yrs old to go to College in Quebec City. After 6 months I quit school and start to work for a leaving without telling my parents. Making fast money race up to my head. I went home for Christmas and met with some friends who had joined the military. The story they were telling me got me exited for that type of adventure and to escape this situation I was in. I could not see myself going back home or on a school bench. I had nothing to loose. It was the beginning of a wonderful career.

I spent the next 7yrs in a numbed mental state. I had got married 23 months after I joined the armed force. That marriage only lasted 9 months. So I spent the next 5 yrs in and out of relationships. I was pretty much in control so I thought and never really put total trust in my higher power Jesus Christ. Still a dark side was growing even bigger inside of me. Loneliness and fear of rejection were constant companions of mine. Date rape had become part of my life curriculum. Without realizing I took all this baggage into my second marriage that lasted 21months.

I felt betrayed and I was out to get this world by the tale. Insanity had become my middle name. I made some choices that took control over my life. I had suffered physical, verbal and mental abuse. Many walls were built. I was 34yrs and living a lie.

I met a friend during the holidays that ended up a 5yrs relationship. During those 5yrs my mental state had gotten worst. I would not believe in my heart that he really loved me. Having had an affair help me reached my bottom. We separated but stayed together he was my best friend. The constant battle in my heart and mind made me decided to ask for help.

I entered a program call AA to support a friend going to detox. I was in much need for help so began my road to recovery.

I want to share this scripture with you as it has made such a difference in my life...... Philippians 2:13
“For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”
We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Not knowing what to expect I was determent to stick with the program. I first experienced my spiritual awakening as soon I had turned my life to my Higher Power Jesus Christ. I had come to know him as my CLOSEST friend who has never left me in any doubt of his LOVE. Each step I worked through, God took me to deeper levels of my fears and pains, helped me face them and cleaned out the wounds.

Step 4 of the program helped me to identify things as they really were, to accept the reality of my life and accept responsibility for all the damage I had done. I accepted that I could not change on my own strength and so Trusting God with a new understanding I embarked on the best journey of my life.

During that time I met my now husband Garry. I was reluctant to enter a relationship at that time. Only through perseverance on his part that he had me convinces to embark in a life together. Wow what a journey and still moving on. I am so bless to have him in my life.
His 5yrs experience in the program had helped me to cross some bridges and together we seam to make a strong team.
We do not want to stop learning and growing.

I also seek professional help and was diagnosed with Dyslexia/ADD/PTSD/Waco mania (Bipolar Spectrum)/sleep APNEA. I had more difficulty accepting to medicate myself for the rest of my life than solving the issued of my drug/alcohol and behaviour problems. Once again I played God, I decided to stop my meds and take control of my destiny. I soon learned to crash and burn.

I came to understand the meaning “Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor”

I realize I’m not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable.


Step 9 of the program taught me to Forgive and how to forgive myself and others. I found release from all that had kept me weighed down. God is helping me to accept and love myself and I know it has made a difference on how I relate to others and more importantly to Him.

For the last four years I had not been able to inspire much thought in my mind. The problem that follows has stumped me. My mind and my heart seem to have become stagnant. This was so frustrating and disappointing. Was it an indication that something was wrong or I was simply pausing for a rest? I didn’t know. What I did know is that I believe part of growth process includes rest. As far as I am aware no animal (including human beings) can survive or grow without their given rest period.

I would surmise that this goes for our mental, emotional and spiritual health as well. To be fair and honest I had to explore any other possibilities of an explanation. Maybe I had reached my comfort zone and in it I did not challenge myself.

As the turn of events had occurred in my life I started a Christ Center 12 steps program call Celebrate Recovery. I have finally reach the point that I know now where I am in the spectrum of my FAITH...

I very much appreciate this program that parallels AA...not only of supplying AA Biblical roots, but the opportunity to proclaim Jesus by name, to the one & only higher power!

I got baptize in August 2009 to proclaim my own Jesus.

Before Celebrate recovery I was paralysed with guilt, shame, condemnation, fear and self hatred. Throughout the years I have addressed all these things, and others that God has revealed to me. There has been much grace and healing.

Celebrate Recovery has given me the opportunity to continue to grow in my recovery & my walk with Jesus Christ... and to share with others my experiences, strengths and hopes.

It has helped me to break through a paralysing fear that began with my earliest memories and over the years I got more and more bogged down by fear. Now I'm free and I feel so different, already I am pressing into God because at last nothing can stop me becoming who God intended me to be.

Thank You for sharing your testimony.
May God continue to bless and lead you.
With God all things are power.
May You continue to press forward in God!!!

Wow!! Wow wow wow!

I feel your pain it is so wonderful though what Jesus can do. He is never finished with any of us. HWIP (His Work In Progress)

God Bless

Wonderful testimony! I praise God for your healing!

That was intense!!

everready

Thank you for sharing your testimony, Penelope. It was an Amazing Grace the Lord has saved you.

I pray that God continue to bless and guide you in your life, in accordance to His will. THe Lord is Mighty to save and oft so loving.

Take care. My prayers are with you.

Thank you!!!!! That was powerful and moving. As well as inspiring.Enjoy the journey, it's all about the cross/Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!